Domestic Violence  

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​Signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship

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• You are fearful of your partner a large percentage of the time; You feel that you can’t do anything right

• You feel so badly about yourself that you think you deserve to be physically hurt;

• You are afraid that your partner may try to kill you; You feel emotionally numb;

• Your partner blames their violence on stress, alcohol, or a “bad day”;

• Your partner is unpredictable; has a violent and threatening behavior;

• Your partner has a bad temper; threatens to hurt you or kill you;

• Your partner has hurt you physically;

• Your partner threatened to take your children away from you, if you try to leave them;

• Your partner threatens to commit suicide, as a way of keeping you from leaving;

• Your partner forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to;

• Your partner threatened you at work, in person and or on the phone;

• Your partner is cruel to animals when they are angry;

• Your partner has destroyed your belongings and household objects;

• Your partner tries to keep you from seeing your friends or family;

• You are embarrassed to invite friends or family over to your house because of your partner’s behavior;

• Your partner limited your access to money, the telephone, or the car;

• Your partner tries to stop you from going where you want to go outside of the house;

• Your partner is jealous and possessive, asking where you are going and where you have been;

• Your partner checks up on you, and accuse you of having an affair; verbally abuses you;

• Your partner humiliates and criticizes you in front of others; often ignores you and put you down;

• Your partner always insists that they are right, even when they are clearly wrong;

• Your partner sees you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person.

Safety Planning Checklist

Printable Checklist
View Online

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Developing a Safety Plan:

A safety plan, or protection plan, is a tool to help you identify possible ways to protect the victim.

Each person’s safety plan will be unique to her/his situation. However there are some common strategies that may assist the victim.

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Non-emergency Preparation and Planning

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1. Prepare for clothing needs – clothes for self and children (store a suitcase in home).

2. Prepare for financial needs - take extra cash, savings, check books and other valuables.

3. Prepare children – take something meaningful for each child (ex pillows) – assist in easing the transition.

4. Prepare for legal action – put legal documents in a safe and accessible place – take financial documents (records of incomes, household bills, mortgages, utilities – these will help in completing financial statements in case of legal action) identification (drivers license, social security card, birth certificate), copies of restraining orders, evidence of abuse (medical doctors/medical records, police involved, witnesses.

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Emergency Safety Plan: When victim is living with the abuser

 

1. Advise of dv complaint/tro, fro.

2. Make an extra set of car keys (keep in place other than purse).

3. Make a list of situations in which violence may escalate.

4. Explore layout of house, access to telephones.

5. Develop a plan for leaving the house – if violence occurs away from home develop a plan for leaving abuser.

6. Notify neighbors to be on alert to suspicious noises – call police.

7. Give children code word when you want them to call for help – teach children how to use the telephone and contact the police.

8. Know safe places you can go to leave a dangerous situation.

9. Have the local number to the battered women’s shelter.

10. When victim is separated from abuser – severity or frequency may escalate during the separation.

 

During a Violent Incident:

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1. Leave the home if possible.

2. If can’t leave – move to a room of low risk (avoid bathroom, garage, kitchen or rooms with weapons) – try to get a room with a lock and access to telephone.

3. Call police (911) – have children scream to alert a neighbor.

4. If able to leave by car lock doors immediately – keep them locked until in a safe place.

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Safety Plan with a Restraining Order

 

1. Keep a copy of restraining order on or near your person at all times.

2. Give copies of restraining order to local police departments, children’s school, family/friends.

3. Inform as many neighbors, relatives, co-workers and friends as possible that the restraining order is in effect.

4. If abuser violates the restraining order contact the police (mandatory arrest) – contact your attorney/advocate/advise court.

5. If abuser charged with a crime stay in contact with police, prosecutor and/or victim witness coordinator to be advised if abuser is being released from jail .

6. With fro change locks to residence.​