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Patterns of Sexual Assault:
Marital Rape: The term used to describe sexual acts committed without a person's consent and/or against a person's will, when the perpetrator (attacker) is the woman's husband or ex-husband.
Rape: An event that occurred without the victim's consent, involved the use of force or threat of force, and involved sexual penetration of the victim's vagina, mouth or rectum
Incest: Sexual contact, inappropriate touching, or sexual penetration involving people who are closely related, for example, a father and daughter, sex between a brother and sister, sexual contact between a child and his uncle.
Gang Rape: Two or more offenders raping one or more victims in one incident
Date/acquaintance rape: Non-consensual sexual intercourse between a victim and someone they know, or an acquaintance, or a friend, or even a person who they are in a relationship with. A victim of date or acquaintance rape maybe hesitant to report it because of either a relationship with the offender or of the circumstances involved. Perhaps the offender is a friend or a date.
Sexual Harassment: Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.
Pornography: The explicit depiction or exhibition of sexual activity in literature, films or photography that is intended to stimulate erotic, rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.
Exhibitionism: The compulsive act of inappropriately exposing one's sex organs to unsuspecting strangers for the Purpose of sexual arousal and gratification.
Voyeurism: Voyeurism is a practice in which an individual derives sexual pleasure from observing other people.
Procedure for Helping a Friend who is a Survivor of Sexual Assault
1. BELIEVE THEM. The greatest fear of sexual assault survivors is that they will not be believed; or that their experience will be minimized as "not being important." Even if details are unclear, don’t investigate. Allow them to tell you what happened as they feel comfortable. Do not press for details of the assault. Respect their need for privacy.
2. LET THEM BE YOUR GUIDE: It is important to remember that sexual assault is an extreme loss of control. You should always be respectful of their choices. It is only through making their own decisions and taking control of their recovery that an assault survivor can begin to take control of their life again. Ask them to help you by telling you what they want or need.
3. LISTEN: They may not begin with a rush of words, so be patient. Let them know that listening to them is more important that anything else they may think you want to do. Let them tell the story at their own speed.
4. DON’T BLAME THEM: Avoid questions that seem to blame them for their actions, such as, "Why didn’t you scream?" and "Why did you go to their room?" Allow them to talk out their feelings of self-blame if they want to, but help them understand that only a rapist causes rape.
5. COMFORT THEM: Tell them you care about them and want to help. Ask how you can help.
6. RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY: They should be the one to decide who should know about the assault and how they should be told. Do not share their story with anyone without the permission of the survivor.
7. SUGGEST CALLING A RAPE CRISIS CENTER: This does not mean that they must report the rape to the police. A rape crisis center will provide a trained worker to guide the survivor (and friends) and discuss options through the next critical hours. All calls to rape crisis hotlines are confidential.
8. ENCOURAGE THEM TO PRESERVE EVIDENCE AND TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION: Even if they appear unhurt, encourage them to seek medical attention. The rapist may have had a sexually transmitted disease or if the victim is female, she may become pregnant from the rape. Encourage them to wait before they wash their hands, face, and body, brush their teeth or change their clothing. During an official rape exam in a hospital, specimens will be taken to find traces of blood, hair, saliva, and (if male) semen of the rapist, so it’s important that nothing be washed away.
Teen Dating Violence: Many young women in college, high school, or younger, report abuse in their relationships. Young men who are abusive use various tactics of control against their girlfriends. These tactics may include:
Making all the decisions in the relationship — where to go, with whom to spend time, what to do, etc.
Insisting she respond immediately to pages or cell phone calls.
Monitoring where she says she is going and getting angry if she goes somewhere else; following her around the community.
Pressuring her to stop seeing her friends, or using jealousy as an excuse to control who she sees or with whom she spends her time.
Name calling, put-downs, making a girl feel bad about herself, telling a girl that no one else would date her or that she is ugly, fat, or stupid.
Taking her money, pressuring her to give up money or trying to keep her from getting a job.
Making her do sexual acts or have sex when she doesn’t want to.
Threatening to hurt her physically or emotionally, threatening to tell people that they’ve been sexual, threatening to break up with her if she doesn’t do what he wants, or threatening to commit suicide if she ends the relationship.
Slamming doors, punching walls, grabbing, shoving, slapping, hitting, kicking, punching, or assault with weapons.
Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence. Some behaviors that show the possibility that a dating partner may eventually become physically violence may include extreme jealousy, blaming others for all problems, never being able to admit to wrongdoing, cruelty to animals, and holding rigid beliefs about sex roles for men and women. The following stories show some warning signs that a boyfriend may get more controlling or violent.
Jealousy: “My boyfriend is really crazy about me. He just hates it when I talk to other guys. I tell him they’re just friends, but he says they’re all after me. One time we got into a fight because he saw me sitting with another guy in the cafeteria. I tried to tell him we were just studying for a math test, but he said I was lying and slapped me. I guess he gets jealous because he loves me so much.”
If someone is jealous we often think it’s a compliment—like it’s his way of showing he cares. It’s normal to feel jealous now and then, but we can’t keep someone from having other friends. No one has the right to control whom we see or whom we choose as friends. A slap (or any kind of violence) is not a sign of love and affection. It’s a sign of control and no one deserves it. We have no right to control what someone does by threatening or hurting them. When we get so mad we want to hit somebody, we should walk away from the situation. When we cool off we can try talking about what happened.
Using Anger and Control: “Last night I went out for pizza with my girlfriend. She wanted to go to a party at a guy’s house, but I wasn’t really up for it. She said she was going no matter what I did, so I grabbed her arm and told her she couldn’t leave me with nothing to do. She started walking away, so I pulled her hair and yanked her around. She ran away, yelling she never wanted to see me again.” Anyone can get frustrated when things don’t go their way, but abusing people we care about to get what we want is never okay. Being hurt by a friend’s words or actions doesn’t justify using physical force. If you can’t handle the situation, walk away and talk it out at another time. No one has the right to make decisions for another person. It’s okay to end a relationship with someone who tries to control you with force.
Abuse at Home: “My dad expects my mom to be there when he gets home from work. The other night she had to work overtime, so when she came home she went straight to bed. Dad followed her, screaming that he’s sick of her not doing what she’s supposed to. Then he beat her up and stormed out. Later he apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again, but it always does. That’s just the way he is.” It’s normal for parents to get angry sometimes and argue. But hurting or hitting another adult, teenager, or child is wrong. It fact, it’s against the law. Hitting people never makes problems go way, and someone can get seriously hurt or even die. If your father or your mother’s partner uses violence, they are choosing this behavior to try to control things because they think they have a right to do so. This is wrong. You can choose other ways to solve problems and negotiate in your relationships.
Arguments in relationships are normal, but using physical violence is never okay. A healthy relationship is one in which partners treat each other with respect, support each other’s goals in life, and expect each other to have their own opinions, feelings, friends, and activities. In an equal relationship decisions are made together, both partners make compromises and admit mistakes, and communication is open and truthful.
Girls: Does your boyfriend strike out at you or make you feel afraid or uncomfortable? Do you change your behavior to try to keep him happy? Are you afraid you will get hurt if you try to end the relationship? It’s important to know that no one has the right to hurt you as a way to control you. It’s against the law for someone to use violence against you. If you get assaulted you can call the police. If you are being abused, talk to a trusted friend or family member, counselor, teacher, or call a battered women’s program in your area. It’s also not okay to treat your boyfriend in abusive ways.
Boys: Do you have a problem controlling your anger? Have you hit or hurt someone you care about? Have you lost friends because of the abusive way you acted? It’s important for you to reject the idea that physical abuse is okay—before it gets worse. If you are abusive to a girlfriend, stop it now. Talk to a school counselor and ask for help to change your behavior. It’s also not okay for your girlfriend to treat you in abusive ways.
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